or.....Its better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all.
Happy Birthday Brian. We sent balloons...did you get them? Red metallic mylar hearts...keeping with tradition.
33 my brother. Wow. What a great number. I can hear you echo in agreement....
We had such a fun time watching your home videos and eating cupcakes...in your honor, celebrating your life.I am so happy that so much of your life with Anna is so well documented. I so loved hearing you laugh. So bittersweet.
It filled my heart and hurt my heart at the same time. It felt good. You know what the best part was? Watching your wife...my amazing sister, laughing ...happy..so full of joy watching movies of you, and her...with Ava and baby brewing. Old times....from the beginning of your wild and wonderful ride together. She was so happy. I can not use any better word to describe besides "Joy". I could see real and genuine joy on her face as she was watching...remembering...reliving. Amazing.
Thank you for giving her that.; For giving her such wonderful memories of your times, that in the midst of everything she feels joy. Thank you. She is so strong. You see that. Would expect no less. The girls are so great. Beautiful little creatures you created. Bella or Baby "B" is amazing. She and I.... we have a special connection. It started from the moment I saw her come into this world. So amazing. I can't even express how grateful I am to have had that experience. My first. She is beautiful. When I look into her eyes I see you. Her smile...wow. And quite honestly some funky faces she pulls also.. :) But like I said, we have this "connection". We just look at each other and talk.
I can hold her and rock her and get her to sleep for Anna so quickly. Every time. She looks at me and I look at her. She just relaxes and just falls asleep. I feel like when I am doing that, I am doing that for you. She would be doing
that with you. That connection...that safe comfortable, secure, familiar place. I am so so so grateful to have that connection with her. It feels special. And Ava... What a firecracker. She is so fun and has such a great time
playing and keeping up with her cousins. And she doesn't just keep up...no, she keeps all those boys running. I love her spunk and her tomboy tendencies. We will be finding lots of bugs together. I love bugs too.
It's funny I have to admit I have been bribing her with lip gloss lately. Been working quite well I must say. We hang well together. May be graduating to a sleepover sometime soon.
And now.....the inevitable subject. Today. two days after your Birthday,the 6 month mark. It is totally surreal.
I still can't quite wrap my brain around it. It just seems like yesterday.....it really really does. I miss you.
We all do...so many people people do. I have learned so much about myself over the last 6 months.
Contemplating life.....the finite. How time passes.....is measured....is used. Perhaps taken for granted.
Questioning what real priorities are. All the big stuff.....I like the challenge. It is waking me up. Shaking me to my senses.
Life is too short not to just lay it all out on the table.
Fearlessness in everything. I never want to regret having not done something. I can regret have done. Learning from my mistakes I have made.
But , I can't bare the idea of regretting the unknown....now. Thank you for all the life lessons you are sending me brother. I am learning every day.
Please don't worry. Your girls are in good care. They are 3 of the strongest most stubborn and most wonderful humans on this planet. What a blessing.
Happy Birthday Brian love you...
Your Life is Epic...
Keep in touch.....
Moqui~
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Haleakala....House of the Sun.
At once forbidding and compelling, Haleakala ("House of the Sun") National Park is Maui's main natural attraction. More than 1.3 million people a year ascend the 10,023-foot-high mountain to peer down into the crater of the world's largest dormant volcano. (Haleakala is officially considered active, even though it has not rumbled since 1790.) That hole would hold Manhattan: 3,000 feet deep, 7 1/2 miles long by 2 1/2 miles wide, and encompassing 19 square miles.
The Hawaiians recognized the mountain as a sacred site. Ancient chants tell of Pele, the volcano goddess, and one of her siblings doing battle on the crater floor where Kawilinau (Bottomless Pit) now stands. Commoners in ancient Hawaii didn't spend much time here, though. The only people allowed into this sacred area were the kahuna, who took their apprentices to live for periods of time in this intensely spiritual place. Today, New Agers also revere Haleakala as one of the earth's powerful energy points, and even the U.S. Air Force has a not-very-well-explained presence here.
But there's more to do here than simply stare into a big black hole: Just going up the mountain is an experience in itself. Where else on the planet can you climb from sea level to 10,000 feet in just 37 miles, or a 2-hour drive? The snaky road passes through big, puffy cumulus clouds to offer magnificent views of the isthmus of Maui, the West Maui Mountains, and the Pacific Ocean.
Many drive up to the summit in predawn darkness to watch the sunrise over Haleakala; writer Mark Twain called it "the sublimest spectacle" of his life. Others take a trail ride inside the bleak lunar landscape of the wilderness inside the crater or coast down the 37-mile road from the summit on a bicycle with special brakes. Hardy adventurers hike and camp inside the crater's wilderness. Those bound for the interior should bring their survival gear, for the terrain is raw, rugged, and punishing -- not unlike the moon. However, if you choose to experience Haleakala National Park, it will prove memorable -- guaranteed.
Hope you enjoyed......and that your curiosity has been piqued......that was my intention.
Aloha
Moqui~
The Hawaiians recognized the mountain as a sacred site. Ancient chants tell of Pele, the volcano goddess, and one of her siblings doing battle on the crater floor where Kawilinau (Bottomless Pit) now stands. Commoners in ancient Hawaii didn't spend much time here, though. The only people allowed into this sacred area were the kahuna, who took their apprentices to live for periods of time in this intensely spiritual place. Today, New Agers also revere Haleakala as one of the earth's powerful energy points, and even the U.S. Air Force has a not-very-well-explained presence here.
But there's more to do here than simply stare into a big black hole: Just going up the mountain is an experience in itself. Where else on the planet can you climb from sea level to 10,000 feet in just 37 miles, or a 2-hour drive? The snaky road passes through big, puffy cumulus clouds to offer magnificent views of the isthmus of Maui, the West Maui Mountains, and the Pacific Ocean.
Many drive up to the summit in predawn darkness to watch the sunrise over Haleakala; writer Mark Twain called it "the sublimest spectacle" of his life. Others take a trail ride inside the bleak lunar landscape of the wilderness inside the crater or coast down the 37-mile road from the summit on a bicycle with special brakes. Hardy adventurers hike and camp inside the crater's wilderness. Those bound for the interior should bring their survival gear, for the terrain is raw, rugged, and punishing -- not unlike the moon. However, if you choose to experience Haleakala National Park, it will prove memorable -- guaranteed.
Hope you enjoyed......and that your curiosity has been piqued......that was my intention.
Aloha
Moqui~
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Just a little Aloha......
This was sunset tonight...... just got here. Can you feel the Aloha?
I'm sending it to you.......
~Moqui
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Endless Dream...............
This song has haunted me from the first time I heard it. I have included the lyrics because I love them so much. Enjoy.
It's all coming back to me now
That strange and almost endless dream
Where I was you and you were me
You opened up your eyes and I could see
That you were falling from the world
As aimless as a shooting star in orbit around me
Thinking I was somebody else
And terrified to look at me and see yourself. Well...
You are like a dream
And I am just a trip that you are on
When the trip is over
You will go back to the places that you once beloved
You will look for comfort
And when you do you'll find that it has gone
That is when you'll dream the dream
Where I am you and you are me
And then you'll know my love
So don't be afraid.
Your heart is in me and its racing so fast now
Cause everything we ever were or ever will be
Is shapeless as a changing cloud
Your letter written on the sky
I'm needing now to read it through my eyes
When you see just what I see
Then tenderly watch it change
And just let it be
Cause I am like a dream
And you are just trip that I am on
When the trip is over I will go back to the places that I once beloved
And I will look for comfort there
And when I do I know it will be gone
That is when I'll dream a dream
Where I am you and you are me
And then I'll know your love
So quiet.......now...
This is just some trip that we are on
When the trip is over we will think of this
As someplace that we once beloved
When I find no comfort here
I'll look again to find it in your arms
That is when I'll dream a dream
Where I am you and you are me
And that's where I know love......
~Moqui
p.s. for any POE fans out there...yes this is her
It's all coming back to me now
That strange and almost endless dream
Where I was you and you were me
You opened up your eyes and I could see
That you were falling from the world
As aimless as a shooting star in orbit around me
Thinking I was somebody else
And terrified to look at me and see yourself. Well...
You are like a dream
And I am just a trip that you are on
When the trip is over
You will go back to the places that you once beloved
You will look for comfort
And when you do you'll find that it has gone
That is when you'll dream the dream
Where I am you and you are me
And then you'll know my love
So don't be afraid.
Your heart is in me and its racing so fast now
Cause everything we ever were or ever will be
Is shapeless as a changing cloud
Your letter written on the sky
I'm needing now to read it through my eyes
When you see just what I see
Then tenderly watch it change
And just let it be
Cause I am like a dream
And you are just trip that I am on
When the trip is over I will go back to the places that I once beloved
And I will look for comfort there
And when I do I know it will be gone
That is when I'll dream a dream
Where I am you and you are me
And then I'll know your love
So quiet.......now...
This is just some trip that we are on
When the trip is over we will think of this
As someplace that we once beloved
When I find no comfort here
I'll look again to find it in your arms
That is when I'll dream a dream
Where I am you and you are me
And that's where I know love......
~Moqui
p.s. for any POE fans out there...yes this is her
Monday, June 22, 2009
Sending Red Balloons to Heaven
The flowers had blown over in the wind.
Bits and pieces lay tossed about.
It was best to gather them up and arrange what was left of them across the freshly patched grass. Gently, she pulled out some of the flowers and started making a bouquet. That she could keep. Dry and preserve, so she will never forget...........
The little one runs about chasing butterflies..... laughing in the wind.
What an angel.
She smiles. It feels good to her that she is able to do that here. She takes in a deep breath........
She can do this.
Her swollen belly makes it a bit harder to sit down on the ground. The life inside her is growing stronger everyday.
As she finds a comfortable spot, the little one runs over to snuggle into her lap. They sit for a moment, breathing together.
"Does she know"?, she wonders.
"How can she possibly understand" ? She feels heavy in her heart.
She reaches over for her bag. Takes out a bar of dark chocolate, (really dark)...
... his favorite.
The little one gets a purple lollipop. They share their sweets in silence............... with him.
Suddenly, the little one jumps up and runs to the balloons.......
They brought balloons.
Bright shiny red mylar balloons. Shaped like hearts.
They had fastened them to the ground when they first arrived.
"Balloon", said the little one pointing to them.
"Yes, would you like one to hold"?, she asked.
"No", said the little one. "Go", pointing to the sky.
She knelt down by the balloons tugging to pull one free for her. She handed it to the little one.
"Here you go honey"
The little one held it for a moment, looking up at the sky, and the clouds.
Then she held up her arm and let it go............ the wind carried it quickly.
They both watched as the balloon climbed higher and higher. The little one puts her hand to her mouth and blows a kiss......... "bye daddy", she says.
She looks down at the little one. With tears rolling down her face, she sits back on the ground. The little one comes to her and starts to wipe away her tears. Then she sticks the lollipop in her mouth, just to make it all better............and it does.
Somehow.
And they laugh.
"More", the little one cries, pointing to the rest of the balloons still tied up.
"Would you like to let them all go"?, she asks.
"Yah, Yah", the little one says, excitedly.
One by one they let the balloons go into the sky. Blowing kisses and laughing through tears.
As the last balloon climbs higher and higher into the sky, the little one sees a butterfly, and runs to catch it.......
She is left standing, looking into the clouds as the balloon disappears.
And she knows, that this day, they were truly...........
sending red balloons to heaven.........
~Moqui
I love you Anna, Ava, baby and Brian..............
Bits and pieces lay tossed about.
It was best to gather them up and arrange what was left of them across the freshly patched grass. Gently, she pulled out some of the flowers and started making a bouquet. That she could keep. Dry and preserve, so she will never forget...........
The little one runs about chasing butterflies..... laughing in the wind.
What an angel.
She smiles. It feels good to her that she is able to do that here. She takes in a deep breath........
She can do this.
Her swollen belly makes it a bit harder to sit down on the ground. The life inside her is growing stronger everyday.
As she finds a comfortable spot, the little one runs over to snuggle into her lap. They sit for a moment, breathing together.
"Does she know"?, she wonders.
"How can she possibly understand" ? She feels heavy in her heart.
She reaches over for her bag. Takes out a bar of dark chocolate, (really dark)...
... his favorite.
The little one gets a purple lollipop. They share their sweets in silence............... with him.
Suddenly, the little one jumps up and runs to the balloons.......
They brought balloons.
Bright shiny red mylar balloons. Shaped like hearts.
They had fastened them to the ground when they first arrived.
"Balloon", said the little one pointing to them.
"Yes, would you like one to hold"?, she asked.
"No", said the little one. "Go", pointing to the sky.
She knelt down by the balloons tugging to pull one free for her. She handed it to the little one.
"Here you go honey"
The little one held it for a moment, looking up at the sky, and the clouds.
Then she held up her arm and let it go............ the wind carried it quickly.
They both watched as the balloon climbed higher and higher. The little one puts her hand to her mouth and blows a kiss......... "bye daddy", she says.
She looks down at the little one. With tears rolling down her face, she sits back on the ground. The little one comes to her and starts to wipe away her tears. Then she sticks the lollipop in her mouth, just to make it all better............and it does.
Somehow.
And they laugh.
"More", the little one cries, pointing to the rest of the balloons still tied up.
"Would you like to let them all go"?, she asks.
"Yah, Yah", the little one says, excitedly.
One by one they let the balloons go into the sky. Blowing kisses and laughing through tears.
As the last balloon climbs higher and higher into the sky, the little one sees a butterfly, and runs to catch it.......
She is left standing, looking into the clouds as the balloon disappears.
And she knows, that this day, they were truly...........
sending red balloons to heaven.........
~Moqui
I love you Anna, Ava, baby and Brian..............
Sunday, June 21, 2009
The beginning..............is always the hardest part.
I am restless......
I question......
I ponder.......
And, I guess now I come here to express myself.
Connect to myself............and hopefully with others.
That is my intention.
Lately, my curiosity has led me to think a lot about relationship.
Relationship to others...... to the world around us............. to ourselves.
I recently attended the funeral of someone I dearly love. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done. It was an untimely and wrongful death. A tragedy. And it had left everyone devastated. Words can not fully express the depth of despair in my heart. My brother-in-law Ty said something so profound, I will never forget it. As tears were rolling down our faces yet again, he turned to me and said, "you know, there is never another time where people all really feel the same thing. Where we are able to relate to and understand one another. On a level we don't normally touch." And I thought, how amazing. That's exactly what is happening. You could feel it all around you. Thick in the air. Connecting us to one another. Through this horrible tragedy, through the anguish, I felt Love and compassion so overwhelmingly. I was swept away by it. Solidarity. That experience will always be with me. It changed me. Maybe just a shift. But, forever altered who I am. And how I will relate.
While I agree completely with Ty's wise observation. I also think there is room to add another phenomenon that is occurring in our world right now.
Iran is in the midst of unbelievable, historical upheaval. Being shaken at it very core. The cause is so great. It is heart wrenching and infuriating. But, at the same time it is bringing people together in such solidarity. On the verge of a paradigm shift. Bringing people together for a purpose, or rather, with purpose. I feel so much for my Persian friends who are living this here, so far away. Relegated to laptops and T.V.'s. I can only imagine the desire to be a part of such a monumental time. The energy is amazing. I am so drawn into the cause....and it's not even my homeland. But that's not what matters. It's about being human. It hits us at our core, at one of the most fundamental human needs. Freedom. We feel this, and therefore, are able to relate.
Amazing ~ in such tragedies we are linked, connected, drawn......... to a place of communion. Rare.
These are the silver linings to the tragedies of life.......and love.
~Moqui
~ "If you observe yourself in relationship with others, do you not find that relationship is a process of self-revelation? Does not my contact with you reveal my own state of being if I am aware, if I am alert enough to be conscious of my own reaction in relationship? Relationship is really a process of self-revelation, which is a process of self-knowledge; in that revelation there are many unpleasant things, disquieting, uncomfortable thoughts, activities. Since I do not like what I discover, I run away from a relationship which is not pleasant to a relationship which is pleasant. Therefore, relationship has very little significance when we are merely seeking mutual gratification but becomes extra-ordinarily significant when it is a means of self-revelation and self-knowledge."~
~J. Krishnamurti~
Any thoughts?
I question......
I ponder.......
And, I guess now I come here to express myself.
Connect to myself............and hopefully with others.
That is my intention.
Lately, my curiosity has led me to think a lot about relationship.
Relationship to others...... to the world around us............. to ourselves.
I recently attended the funeral of someone I dearly love. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done. It was an untimely and wrongful death. A tragedy. And it had left everyone devastated. Words can not fully express the depth of despair in my heart. My brother-in-law Ty said something so profound, I will never forget it. As tears were rolling down our faces yet again, he turned to me and said, "you know, there is never another time where people all really feel the same thing. Where we are able to relate to and understand one another. On a level we don't normally touch." And I thought, how amazing. That's exactly what is happening. You could feel it all around you. Thick in the air. Connecting us to one another. Through this horrible tragedy, through the anguish, I felt Love and compassion so overwhelmingly. I was swept away by it. Solidarity. That experience will always be with me. It changed me. Maybe just a shift. But, forever altered who I am. And how I will relate.
While I agree completely with Ty's wise observation. I also think there is room to add another phenomenon that is occurring in our world right now.
Iran is in the midst of unbelievable, historical upheaval. Being shaken at it very core. The cause is so great. It is heart wrenching and infuriating. But, at the same time it is bringing people together in such solidarity. On the verge of a paradigm shift. Bringing people together for a purpose, or rather, with purpose. I feel so much for my Persian friends who are living this here, so far away. Relegated to laptops and T.V.'s. I can only imagine the desire to be a part of such a monumental time. The energy is amazing. I am so drawn into the cause....and it's not even my homeland. But that's not what matters. It's about being human. It hits us at our core, at one of the most fundamental human needs. Freedom. We feel this, and therefore, are able to relate.
Amazing ~ in such tragedies we are linked, connected, drawn......... to a place of communion. Rare.
These are the silver linings to the tragedies of life.......and love.
~Moqui
~ "If you observe yourself in relationship with others, do you not find that relationship is a process of self-revelation? Does not my contact with you reveal my own state of being if I am aware, if I am alert enough to be conscious of my own reaction in relationship? Relationship is really a process of self-revelation, which is a process of self-knowledge; in that revelation there are many unpleasant things, disquieting, uncomfortable thoughts, activities. Since I do not like what I discover, I run away from a relationship which is not pleasant to a relationship which is pleasant. Therefore, relationship has very little significance when we are merely seeking mutual gratification but becomes extra-ordinarily significant when it is a means of self-revelation and self-knowledge."~
~J. Krishnamurti~
Any thoughts?
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